Blog 16- Something Difficult in My Life and How to Overcome It

Adopted. To many, it’s a dirty word. To others, it’s a blessing. To me, well, I’m not quite sure. For 15 years, I’ve been trying to figure it out. On one side, I’m in the land of dreams and possibilities. I have a home, education, friends, and a family. I can’t really complain. On the other hand, I’m foreign, non-native, an alien. I will never quite belong. This isn’t my biological family. Tell me it makes no difference, that this family loves me more, that’s why I was put in the orphanage, and this family chose me. But to me, it make all the difference. Face it. I am different. Not the unique difference everyone hopes to achieve but fundamentally different. Everyone knows that I’m not one of them. I look in the mirror and am reminded of such, everyday of my life. I’m thin and built like a rock, but very lean. My waist is small but my rib cage is huge, making my waist seem even smaller. Everyday I go through life and someone comments on my size. About how I’m anorexic, or bulimic. Trust me, I’m not. I eat until there is no more food left, then I search for more. My face is long and small, my features are plain, except my nose and scar. Both are lopsided and stand out, a reminder of my cleft palate and lip. My eyes are however striking, if I dare say so. They are registered blue but depending on the lighting and the day the can go from a beautiful full out gray to a stunning deep blue color. My eyes are the only thing I can say are beautiful on me. I tan so easily and dark, naturally. It’s just my heritage- my body type and my ability to tan. Yet, somehow everyone manages to bring me down because of it. I have what they want and cannot achieve, therefore they ridicule and taunt. They make me feel exiled more than I am. I already know I will never fit in, I do not need the rest of the world to tell me everyday as well.

How to overcome it: I won’t. Ever. Even if the world ceases the bantering, I will never be one of them. If I go back, I am not them. No matter where I go, I will never fit in. That is the difficult part, accepting I will never fit in. No I lied. I accept that, but finding out where to go and how to fit in is the difficult. I am trying to complete an impossible task, and I feel I shall never succeed. How could I? I am set up to fail on the most basic principle of life.

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About lbannister117

I’m the outdoorsy kind of girl, one of those rugged beasts. Try hard, play hard, take no prisoners kind of people. I have the intelligence, and the feminism, but yet I'm still the hard-core ‘one of the guys’ kind of girl. I enjoy the company and views of others, and love having in depth conversations about everything under the sun, whether it be politics, the weather, an event in history, the news, or simply a good story.
This entry was posted in 31 Day Blog Challenge, Life/World, Personally Unique and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Blog 16- Something Difficult in My Life and How to Overcome It

  1. interestingmonster says:

    “The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile.”
    – Plato

    Its your life, no one elses.

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