Adopted. To many, it’s a dirty word. To others, it’s a blessing. To me, well, I’m not quite sure. For 15 years, I’ve been trying to figure it out. On one side, I’m in the land of dreams and possibilities. I have a home, education, friends, and a family. I can’t really complain. On the other hand, I’m foreign, non-native, an alien. I will never quite belong. This isn’t my biological family. Tell me it makes no difference, that this family loves me more, that’s why I was put in the orphanage, and this family chose me. But to me, it make all the difference. Face it. I am different. Not the unique difference everyone hopes to achieve but fundamentally different. Everyone knows that I’m not one of them. I look in the mirror and am reminded of such, everyday of my life. I’m thin and built like a rock, but very lean. My waist is small but my rib cage is huge, making my waist seem even smaller. Everyday I go through life and someone comments on my size. About how I’m anorexic, or bulimic. Trust me, I’m not. I eat until there is no more food left, then I search for more. My face is long and small, my features are plain, except my nose and scar. Both are lopsided and stand out, a reminder of my cleft palate and lip. My eyes are however striking, if I dare say so. They are registered blue but depending on the lighting and the day the can go from a beautiful full out gray to a stunning deep blue color. My eyes are the only thing I can say are beautiful on me. I tan so easily and dark, naturally. It’s just my heritage- my body type and my ability to tan. Yet, somehow everyone manages to bring me down because of it. I have what they want and cannot achieve, therefore they ridicule and taunt. They make me feel exiled more than I am. I already know I will never fit in, I do not need the rest of the world to tell me everyday as well.
How to overcome it: I won’t. Ever. Even if the world ceases the bantering, I will never be one of them. If I go back, I am not them. No matter where I go, I will never fit in. That is the difficult part, accepting I will never fit in. No I lied. I accept that, but finding out where to go and how to fit in is the difficult. I am trying to complete an impossible task, and I feel I shall never succeed. How could I? I am set up to fail on the most basic principle of life.